With school closures, telework, and distancing measures unabating, many parents are getting extra time with their children at home. As parents, we often wonder what we're supposed to be doing with our kids. How do we best influence them? What legacy do we want to leave? Or perhaps, more likely, how do we make it through the day without completely losing it with them? Many of us had weak, poor, or even nonexistent examples, leaving us with little to imitate. We lack direction. Parenting questions are ever-present but even more positioned at the forefront of our minds amid our current circumstances.
Over the years, I've noticed a shift in my approach to parenting. What used to be centered around developing character and teaching lessons has more subtly transitioned to creating culture. The book, Grace Based Parenting, has had a huge influence on my thinking. I'm reflecting more on the overall goal of parenting these days versus the individual, specific responsibilities of parents, which can be endless and overwhelming. Perhaps some of this will connect with you as you consider how to best invest in your kids with the extra time you have with them these days.
I've decided my overall parenting goal is to relationally connect with my kids in a way that makes it easier for them to relationally connect with God. I don't do this perfectly or consistently, but it gives me a target. Here are four freedoms I'm trying to offer my kids, which hopefully provides them with experiences of God's heart that increase their appetites for him.
The freedom to be different. "Different" may mean being goofy or quirky. We're not talking about being biblically or morally wrong, but the freedom to be weird.
The freedom to be vulnerable. I want my kids to express fears, emotions, and inadequacies without being attacked, shamed, or marginalized.
The freedom to be candid. I want to provide a safe place for them to vocalize deep issues of the heart, to wrestle in the open with God and with me. I want them to be honest.
The freedom to make mistakes. I'm trying not to be surprised or take it personally when my kids mess up. I want them to know they can approach me to receive mercy and find grace.
That's it. I want my kids to know they can be weird, inadequate, honest, and imperfect. Again, Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel has significantly shaped my thoughts on this. If you're looking for a good self-quarantine book to read, I highly recommend it. I'll leave you with a quote.
"The goal of parenting is to connect with the heart of children so they more easily connect to the heart of God. Notice I didn't say teach them the Bible, pray with them, take them to church, teach them to obey, discipline them, make sure they know good doctrine, and have a biblical worldview. These are all great "parts" of the bigger picture, but without a heart connection, these "parts" are little more than exercises and information. It is within the context of a heart relationship that these vital spiritual tools have influence on a child." -Tim Kimmel
I can't control my kids or determine who they'll be when they grow up, but I can reveal God's heart to them and pray, by doing this, affection for Jesus will be stirred and desire for him will increase. Once you've tasted something good, you want more. I want what I offer my kids to taste good, to whet their appetites for a Father that created their differences, embraces their inadequacies, desires their honesty, and loves them despite their imperfections. If you have a moment today, reflect on the four freedoms listed above. Which one is the most challenging for you to offer your child(ren)? What is it about this freedom that challenges you? Invite the Trinity into your reflections to create space for Father, Son, and Spirit to minister to you.
